;5i 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



014 434 675 



Hollinger Coro. 



THE MINOR DRAMA. 

No. XXXIII. 



COCKNEYS IF CALIFORNIA. 

*'% picre of #olbm ©pportunit^." 



IN ONE ACT. 



BY J. STIRLING COYNE, ESQ, 



ALSO THE STAGE BUSINESS, CASTS OF CHARACTERS, 
COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. 



NEW YORK : 
M. DOUGLAS, 11 SPRUCE ST., Publisher, 

AND FOR SALE BIT 

BERFORD & CO., 2 ASTOR HOUSE; 

Stringer & Townsend, and H. Long & Brother, New York ; Redding & 
Co. and Hotchki8s& Co., Boston; S. G. Sherman, T. B. Peterson, Phila- 
delphia; Wm. Taylor & Co., Baltimore; Amos Head, Charleston; 
J. H. Pierce, Wilmington, N. C. ; J. B. Rusconi, New Orleans; Ro- 
binson and Jones, Cinciimati ; M.P. Morse, Pittsburgh ; D. M. Dewey, 
Rochester; A. Burke, Buffalo ; Wm.Adam,Washington, D.C. ; Burgesa 
& Wood, Cincinnatti ; J. & W. R. Fisher, Boston. 

c:^a,. IBS I 3 






• \ 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Adelphi. National. Olympic. Broadway 

AttthonyChiffine.MT. Munyard. Mr. W.Chapman.Mr. Conovcr. Mr. Hadaway 

Jacob Bunker... " P. Bedford. " Pardey. '' Nickiusou. " E. Shaw. 

The Monkey " Mitchen.'ion. " Colladine. Mons. Wiethoff. 

Walter Ch.ffins.. Woodward. Mast. Chapman. Mast. Edwards. Miss Wallis. 

Peter "Linden- Mr. Seymour. 

Mrs. OMffins Mrs.F.Matthews.Mrs.G. Cnapman,Mis8 Clarke. Mrs. Watts. 

Julina Miss Turner. Miss Miles. Miss Carman. 



COSTUMES. 

ANTHONY CHIFFINS. — Nankeen trowsers, long white' waistcoat, black short 

skirted coat, small white hat, long haired black wig. 
JAOOB BUNKER. — Large brown trowsers, high boots, canvass frock, black belt 

blue handk'^rchief, rod wig, glazed hat. 
THE MONKEY.— 

WALKER CHIFFINS.— Nankecu dress, straw hat. 
PETER. — Canvass trowsers, red shirt, straw hat. 

MILS. CHIFFINS — Travelling plain dress, straw bonnet, black silk shawl. 
JULINA.— Slave's dress. 



EXITS .AND EWTKANCES. 

H. means ffie-Zii! ; 1.. Left: B.. D. Right Door ; L. D. Left Door 
S. B. Second Entrance ; U. E. Upper Entrance; M. D. Middle Door 

RELATIVE POSITIONS. 
R., means Risht; L., Left; C, Centre; R. C, Right of Centre; 
[.. C, Left of Centre. 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 



ACT I. 

Scene I. — A wild xooody scene in California. 

Chiffins holloas outside, and tlien enters, r., carrying on 
his hack his son, Walker, a rearming pan in cither 
hand ; he is followed by Mrs. Chiffins, who carries a?i 
infant in her arms. 

Chif Hol-loa-a-a ! Ah ! nobody hears me — 'nobody's 
coming ! — It's useless holloaing any longer. There's not 
an omnibus, a cab, or even a wandering policeman to 
be found in this desolate place. Mrs, Chiffins, my dear, 
it's my opinion that we're all lost — every individual of this 
interesting little group. 

Mrs. G. Oh ! dear Chiffins, don't say so. 

Chf. It's a melancholy fact, though. We're so utterly 
lost, that I doubt if that active and intelligent officer, For- 
rester, armed with a search warrant could possibly find 
us in this forest. 

Mrs. C. Why don't you shout again, then ? 

Chif I've been shouting, Mrs. Chiffins, till I have 
nearly shouted the last particle of voice out of my manly 
bosom. 

Mrs. C. Then, what is to become of us 1 

Chf. That's precisely what I don't know. 

Mrs. C. For my part, 1 wish I had never quitted my 
little shop at Hoxton. 

Chif Hah! You have no spirit of enterprise. Mi's. 
Chiffins ; you would have been quite content to spend 
your life dispeiising brandy-balls, peg-tops, gingerbread 
and ballads, to the rising- veneration of Hoxton. 



4 COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 

Mrs. C. Aye, that I would ! — and it would have been 
better if you had stuck to your school, too. 

Ch/f. Academy ! — Mrs. Chiffins — say my academy, for 
the instruction of ingenious youth in the polite arts of read- 
ing, writing, turning the mangle, and other branches of 
useful knowledge. The tree of knowledge is a fine tree, no 
doubt; but you know I've been digging at its roots for 
ever so long, without getting any fruits from it, and so I'm 
determined to try my luck at the gold diggings in Cali- 
fornia, where the precious dust is so abundant, that any 
body may have a warming-pan full for the scooping of it 
up. 

ii/r.y. C. Ah ! Chiffins, they've been throwing that pre- 
ci:;us dust in your eyes. For my part, I don't think there's 
any such place in the world as Californy. 

C/{i/. What ! — would you go to set your face again the 
m.ap of the world ] — Do you suspect Guy's Geography, 
rna'am? 

il//-.T. C. I suspect its only fit for Guys. 

Chif. Mrs. Chiffins, my dear, I'm ashamed of your geo- 
graphical incompetency. I'll venture to say, that my 
youngest pupil, little Cicero Chiffins, who reposes on your 
iiiaternal bosom, could tell you whei'e California is — if he 
could speak. However, here we are ; and if we hadn't 
lost Zekiel Flum, our Yankee guide, this morning, in the 
forest, I calculate we should have been now somewhere 
in the neighborhood of the gold diggings. 

Mrs. C. 1 shouldn't have cared so much for the Yankee, 
if he hadn't carried off our mule and baggage along with 
him. Oh dear! — I'm really able to walk no further! — 
little Cicero is such an uncommonly solid child of his 
age— 

C/ti/. And his brother. Walker, who is three sizes larger, 
has nearly broken the paternal back. — D'ye hear me, 
Walker, what part of speech are you, sir? 

Wal. A noun substantive, fathei". 

Cf/if. Very good ! and what is a noun substantive ? 

IFa/. Any thing that stands by itself 

C/iif. Then you iiad better dismount, and stand by 
yourself, for I can carry you no longer. — [drops the hoy 
from Ids hack.) 

Mrs. C. Chiffins! — Chiffins! — are you a father] 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 5 

Cliif. Father ! — A word which signifies to be — to do — 
and to suffer. Yes — I certainly beheve I am a father,— 
But though I've got the feelings of a father, I havn't got 
the back of an elephant, 

Mrs. C. Ah, well ! I dare say our sufferings will s^'on 
be over. [Captain Bunker lieard singing at a distance. 

Chif. Hark ! — Isn't that a voice % — My ears don't deceive 
me, 

Mrs. C. No — you may trust to your long eai's, ChifTIns 
— it is a voice. 

CJiif. And one that I have heard before. — Hey ! I see 
the California nightingale moving this way through tlio 
trees. [Captain Bunker sings tvithout, l. 

SONG. 

Air — " Soldier Laddie." 

Sell you tables — sell your chairs ; 

Sell your mangles — 

Sell your mangles ; — 
Sell your feather beds — who cares? 

We'll have spangles — 

We'll have spangles ! 

Chif. Goodness ! — No — it never ^an be ! my old friend 
Captain Jacob Bunkei', of " The Uncle of the Thames," 
Gravesend steamer ! 

iWry. C. Captain Bunker ! 

Chif. A magnificent man, Mrs. Chiffins! — with a heart 
in which the philanthropy of at least half a dozen Bene- 
volent Societies has been bottled off. 

Enter Captain Bunker, l. 

(Sings.) Come with shovel, pick, and spade, 
Pan and ladle ; — pan and ladle ; 
D'gging gold's your only trade ! 
Bring a cradle ; — bring a cradle. 

Chif. Hah ! — It is the gallant Bunker himself. 

Bun. Hey! — stop her! — who hails Bunker? — Hollo! 
hollo! — -.Chiflfin's, my boy! — You in California? 

Mrs. C. Oh, Captain! — this is a blessed meeting? If 
you hadn't come, we should have perished here, like the 
babes in the wood. 

Chif My dear friend ! Allow me ! — (shakes Bunker's 



6 LniK.Ni:Vrf !.N i.'ALll'01{NlA. 

/'and.) I may tiuly say I'm delightecl lo sec you. — Boeii 
ioiig ii. lliis mngnificent CDUiitiy, captain ? 

Bun. Anout aix weeks. 

C/nj] .Six wi't'ks ! — W'lial a lieap of gold you must have 
scraped up in Lhc titno! — liow (nauy bushels a day, on llio 
average ? 

Bun. Why — a — nr)t many. Confldenlially speaking, 
I've been onl of luck ; and liavn't hit on tlie riglit dig- 
gins yel — hill never mind — \sinqs\ — "llicrc's a good time 
coming," — and ])Ii'nty o( gold — hnt very little to eat. 

(yuj'. C)h ! well — -I'm not pailicnlar about my victuals. 

I\Irs. C. .A.!!, CliiHins ! — I told you how it would be — 
What's to become of our poor babes now] we might as 
well have sent iliem lo llio Union. 

Bun. Hollo! hollo! — Don't hang out signals of distress 
so soon ; I've goi a stock of provisions in my hut, a little 
way up ihe valley ; as long as ihey last you're welcome to 
shaie ihem. 

C/iij] 'J'herc spukc the gallant I>unkcr, once the darling 
of liis ciew ! 

B'/?i. 'i'urn ahead, aiul away we goes, then! 

C/iif. Come, Mrs. C, exert your native energies, ir.y 
angel! — and you. Walker, follow in the footsteps of youi 
parental pa. 

TRIO. 

Air. — " ' Ticns in (he. mrrry monlh nf Mat/.'" 

Bun. Niibiiily at liomo will s!;iy. 

Digging I'lir golil is all llio fun ; 

Wo sliiiuitli'i' mil- Riimlos ami iii;u"cli away, 

Ami dfl' 1(1 Caliluniy rtiii. 

Tlio YaiiUoo Iradei" loavos liis sturo. 

'I'lio Nigger swears lio'll wmli mi iiini-e; 

Rveii tlio tliief gives ii|) liis priggiiis 

'I'u tiy his liaiiil ill ".lieso hero iliggiiis. 

(Togiiher) N()l)(Hly now, &c. 

Mrs. C. The hulios, ton. as I am told. 

To sliow thai ilioy are not at all afraid, 
Aro short I V tn ho eiirnlleil — 
The CalifnViiinii Gold i5rigade. 
The la'iiidresses tlie Iroo|i will Join, 
And ieikl their hand in the washing lino; 
W'liili) every housemaid in tho innslor 
Will piuvo liorseir a rare guild duster ! 
Nuljiidy now .Vi-, 



IOCKNi:vS IN CAMIOKNIA. / 

Chif. Tliree old women — the one was Inmc, 

The second was clenf, the third nigli blind,— 
To lollovv the men they were all game. 
And vow'd they'd none ul'em stay behind. 

Our wills are good — but alack-a-day I 
At digging gold, we'll have a try lor it; 
For where there's a will there's always a way, 
And we'll dig a bit, although we die lor it ! 

Nobody now, >fv:c. 

[Exeunt, Bunker, Chiffins, Walker, and Mrs 

CuiKi'INS, L.] 

Scene II. — Another part of tJie i?iotintahis. — At hack, tlie 
river is seen rtishi^ig down a mountain gorge amongst 
rocks and trees. Nearer to f/ic spectator, L.,a small hut 
composed oj" branches of trees ; on lite same side, a ham- 
mock, slung under a tree. On n. a fire on the ground, 
over 7vhich Jiangs a camj) keltic, ssu]>cnded from a rude 
triangle. English, Sjnmish, American, Indian, Mexican, 
and, Negro jjcople, emploi/ed in the various operations of 
diggi?ig and icashmg the earth for gold. Peter, a 
Negro man, u., Julina, his wife, sitting i,. with Hack 
child. Diggers come forward, icith wooden holds and 
little haskcts containing gold. ; the others collect around 
them, and the new coiiiers exhibit lumps of gold. 

ClIOKLS OF Goi.I> DiOGF.KS. 

Gold, gold, golil ! 
The yellow wo we find ; 

In love, in peace, in war, 
'Tis gold that rides mankind. 

Dig. dig. dig! 
Antl (urn the teeming soil. 

For heaps of shining gold. 
Shall well reward our toil. 

Soi.o. 

The soldier spills his blood : 

The sailor ])loughs the main ; 
The student wastes the lamp ; 

The precious ore to gain. 

Chorus. Dig. dig, dig ! &c. 1 

At the end of the chorus all the gold diggers resume 
their occupations, and go off gradually at dif 
ferent sides. — Peter and Jui.ina remain. 



8 COCKNEYS IS CALIFORNIA. 

Pet. Julina! 

Jid. Wliat am dat, Peta ? 

Pet. It strike mc berry hard — dis'erc colour gen'lman 

dam ftjol, to stay for nigga help any longer wit massa 
]]unker. What for I dig for him when ebbery body in 
Callumfornia dig for himself? 

Jul. Berry liue, Peta — berry true ! 
Pet. Tell you what, Julina ! — You and me go to the 
libber, and wash out a sack of gold d\ist on our own ac- 
count. 

Jt(L Oh! golly! Peta! — dat would be nice! But if 
Massa Bunka fuul out, won't lie l)e mad 1 

Pet. Dam Massa Bunker I dis child can pick more gold 
dan him. 

Jul. But you know, Peta, he hire you for fifty dollars a 
month. 

Pet. Hi, hi, hi, hi ! — Fifty dollars — jiaid in advance — 
hi, hi, hi ! Dam Massa Bunker! — come aloiig, Julina ! 
Jul. Oil ! stop bit ; — what am do wid lilly ]*eta ? 
Pet. Why, put him to sleep in de hammock ; he'll li« 
dar, safe as a coon in a holler tree. — [Vetv.r ])u(s child into 
hafninoch.) — Bless him, liow hansome he grow; — de wool 
on his little head curl so tight he can't shut his eyes. — 
Now come along, .Julina. 

[Petku takes a tcoodcn howl, and exit willi Julina, 

I,. As soon as they are gone a monkey descends 

from a tree, l., goes to the luiinvioek and takes 

out the c/iild, tcith which he escapes as CnirriNj* 

enters, followed l>y Bunki^k, ^Irs. Ciiikpins, 

and Wai.kkr, i,. 

Qhif Well, 1 declare, a man can never see the woild 

at home. AVhy, this beats Hornsey Wood all to nolliing. 

'Bun. Here we are, my boy, on my settlement ! I'liat'."? 

the river Sacramento — and there arc the gold-seekers — 

Yankees, Mexicans, Niggers, Spaniards — all digging fl>r 

gold on the banks. 

Chif. What a prodigious run for gold on your banks ! 
Hun. And there's my hammock, ma'am, under that gum 
tree, where I turn in at night. 

M/*. C Dear mc, Caj)tain, 'tis so small! — ] shouhl 
think you could scarcely turn in it. 

Bun. Well, ma'am, it is certainly rather narrow for a 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 9 

man of my tonnage, but I made it so on purpose to dodge 
the musquitoes; for when I turn in they must turn out ; 
there ain't room for more than half-a-dozen of them to 
lodge along with me. 

Chif. — {utters an exclamation of sudden 'pain^ — Oh ! oh ! 
— what's that ? 

Bun. Stop — stop ! — it's one of them — {catches a mus- 
quito on Ckijjins' neck) — only a small fellow — not much 
larger than a wasp. Some of them run as big as sparrows. 

Chif. Musquitoes as big as sparrows ! 

Bun. Regular nippers, my boy ! that could draw blood 
from an anchor fluke ; and the worst of them is, they'll 
never touch a seasoned settler while there's a stranger's 
skin to be had for the biting. 

Chif. Heaven preserve our tender skins ! — what's to 
become of us, if we're to be served up as a banquet for 
these Californian vampires 1 

Mrs. C. {who has seated herself on a bank, R., starts up, 
exclaiming) Oh! oh! oh! — Captain — look there! — what 
is it 1 — that little shiny thing wriggling through the dry 
leaves ? 

Bun. Oh ! ma'am, don't be alarmed — it's only a gieen 
snake ; we make eel pies of 'em in these paits — and werry 
good imitations of the real Twit'nams they are. 

Mrs. G. Green snakes ! — eel pies ! — a-ah I I could 
never abide them. 

Chif. I hope, Captain, we shan't have many of these 
visitors here. 

Bun. Oh ! nothing to speak of — only a few scorpions 
and toads, and venomous spiders. You must keep a sharp 
look out, too, in your shoes, when you get up in the morn- 
ing, for the centipedes — them chaps with a hundred feet. 

Chif A hundred feet in my shoes! Ecod! I don't 
pity them if they've got corns among them. 

Bun. — {calling) — Julina ! Dash my paddles, where can 
the black wench be 1 — I hope she hasn't left me to cook 
my own dinner. — {calls) — Peter ! — the nigger rascal's gone 
too! Never mind — the kettle's on the fire yonder; all 
we want is something to fill it — so I'll just step and see 
what I've got in the locker. [Exit, l. 

Chif Bravo ! — the gallant Bunker is like the pelican 
of the wilderness: — he's "the sweet little cherub that sits 



10 COCKNKYS IN CALIFORNIA. 

up aloft to keep watch for the hfe of poor Chiffins." Wal- 
ker, you good-for-nothing particle, don't stand there, sir, 
with yoar hands in your breeches' pockets, like a note of 
admiration, but put more sticks on the fire, and make the 
kettle boil directly. 

IVal. Yes, father — that I will. — ( T/ie hoy goes to fire, 
gathers sticks, and, fut them on.) 

Mrs. C. And while the Captain's away, I'll step into 
the cabin, and make myself fit to be seen. Cicero's fallen 
asleep, so I'll lay the dear little fellow in this hammock 
here till I return, 

Chif. Give him to me, my dear. — [takes wf ant from 
Mks. Ckiffins.) — Bless him ! he's his pa's own image. — 
\he jplaces the child in the hammock; Mrs. Chiffins goes 
into the hut, h.\ — Well, matters mayn't turn out so bad 
after all ; and if I have only the luck to hit upon a vein of 
nice nubbly gold, shan't 1 make them stare when I go 
home ! 

Enter Captain Bunker, l., with a dead crow, and re-eiiter 
at the same time Mrs. Qvixvpi^?, from the hut. Walker 
drojis asleep. 

Bvn. D — n the rascal ! — some of these piratical gold- 
diggers have discovered where I had stowed away my 
provisions in a hollow tree, and havn't left me as much as 
would victual a mouse-trap. 

Chf. What says the gallant bunker? — Have the vic- 
tuals vanished, and our prospect of dinner been merely a 
dissolving view 1 

Bun. No — no, my boy— not so bad as that. Luckily I 
fell in with a Yankee fellow, who carries on a trade in 
stomach fixins, as he calls 'em, here in the diggins. I gave 
fhc fellow an ounce (jf gold-dust for this Californian 
turkey. 

ISIrs. C. [examining the bird.] Californian turkey ! Cap- 
tain ! — The villain has sold you an old crow ! 

Ban. Dash my paddles ! — you don't say so 1 

Chf. [examining the bird.] It's a decided case of caw! 
caw! — but under existing circumstances, we can't insisi 
upon that remarkable fact. So, Mrs. Cihffins, my dear 
have the goodness to cook the bird as a turkey, and the 
gallant Bunker will pluck the crow with that cheating 



COUKNEYd IN CALIFORNIA. 11 

Yankee when he catches him. — [gives bird to Mrs. Chif- 

FINS.] 

Bun. Burn my biler ! I'll keelhaul the rascal. But, I 
eay, we must go to work for the dust, or we'll have to go 
without breakfast to morrow. Can you dig, Chiffey ! — 
can you dig, my boy 1 

C)/i/] Dig — a verb active — imperative mood. — Let us 
dig. I don't think I ever tried. Captain. 

Bu?i. Never mind — I'll dig, and ijou shall wash. — You 
can wash — can't you 1 

C/i/f. I rather think I can 1 Ask Mrs. Chiffins how 1 
wash the children in the morning. Ecod, I'll wash the 
whole face of California for you, if you like ! 

[BvNKERjakes a spade, l. 

Bun. Come along, then ; we'll try a fresh digging up 
the bed of the river, and be back to dinner by the time the 
turkey is cooked. 

C/iif. Stop, Captain ! as the bed of the river is likely 
to be damp, I'd better take my warming-pan. — [takes 
tcarviin2;-pan.\ — Farewell, Maria Jane Matilda ! I'll fetch 
you back an apronful of the precious material. 

Mrs. C. Chiffins, dear! I must give you a kiss for luck 
befoie you go. 

Chif. Amiable weakness ! — [hisses her.'\ — There ! — 
Grammatically speaking, I could never decline a kiss — 
even from my wife. Now, Captain, lead with your spade, 
and I'll follow suit ! 

[Exit Bunker, r. s. e., followed by Chiffins. 

Mrs. C. Well, if Chiffins picks up a handsome fortune 
here, I'm determined I'll be a lady — a real lady — for I'll 
have breakfast every morning in bed. — [goes to kettle and 
looks into it.] — Dear me ! — I shall want more water. — 
Walker! — Walker! — What are you sleeping for? — Ge*. 
up, and pluck the fowl, while I go and fetch some water 
from the river. 

Wal. [iviking and yaiv7ung.] — A-aw ! — I am coming ! 
Mrs. C. Mind you pluck it nicely, Walker; do you 
hear '? 

Wal. Oh ! yes, I hear. — [Exit Mrs. Chiffins u-ith j^it- 
cher, L. s. E.] — 1 don't see why I should be kept here 
plucking of this old duck when fathei', nnd everybody ii 



13 COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 

digging for gold ; I'm big enough — I am ; and I'll go and 
have a game in Tom Tiddler's ground, as well as the rest 
— \7-uns off", L.] 

[The monkei/ appears, carrying a large sione\ JiC 
goes to the kettle which is on the Jire ; takes the 
crow out of it, and puts the stone in place of it 
in the kettle. He then scampers off with the 
bird. 

Enter Mrs. Chiffins, t,., with a pitcher of water. 

Mrs. a Walker !— Walker !— I'll lay my life the good 
for-nothing boy has fallen asleep again — [looks about.] — 
No, he hasn't. Bless me ! he's not here. — Where can he 
be ? If he should have strayed away into the forest — 
[caZ/s] — Walker, Walker! — Oli dear, oh dear; what terri- 
ble news this will be for poor Chiffins, vvlien he returns ! 

Enter Bunker, r. s. ^ 

Oh ! Captain ; I'm in such a fright. — My boy,---poor little 
Walker, — is missing ! — Have you seen anything of him ? 

Bun. — [wiping his eyes.] — No, ma'am ! 

Mrs. C. Good gracious — What's the matter with you ] 
— There are tears in your eyes. — Is it the boy ? 

Bun. [weeping.\ — No, ma'am. 

Mrs. C. Then it's Anthony! — it's Chifhns! — it's my 
husband ! — something has happened to him. — Tell me all! 

Bun. [hlubbering.] — Poo, boo, boo, ho-o-o-o ! 

Mrs. C. I know 'tis something dreadful. — Why don't 
you speak 1 

Bun. [blubbering.] — Poo, boo, boo, ho-o-o-o ! 

Mrs. G. Captain ! — I'm a woman of robust mind, and 
can bear to hear the worst. — I — feel a something that tells 
me — I am — I am — now — now — 

Bun. — [sobbing.] — An interesting widow, ma'am. 

Mrs. C. Oh, Captain Bunker! — That is a blow ! 

Bun. So it is, ma'am — But you mustn't give way, Mrs. 
Chiffins ! — you must keep the steam up, ma'am. 

Mrs. C. Tell me how the fatal accident happened. 

Bun. Why ma'am — it's a short, but melancholy tale, 
ma'am. — The late Mr. Chiffins, and myself, had hit upon 
a nice fresh spot on the river bank, a little way above the 
BijT Falls, ma'am — and were dicjorinor and washing tre- 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 13 

mendous, — when Mr. Chiffins, in the enthusiasm of finding 
a grain of gold, — slipped from the bank, ma'am, into the 
river; and before you could say Jack Robinson the poor 
fellow was caught by the rapids, and carried bang over 
the Falls, like a pine log, ma'am. 

Mrs. C. Oh! Captain Bunker ! — if it had been in Hox- 
ton, I could have borne my bereavement with pleasure — 
I mean, with resignation — but in a foreign land, what is to 
give me comfort 1 

Bun. Comfort ! — [aside.^ — I didn't think of that ! — Ja- 
cob Bunker never saw lovely woman in distress without 
bearing up to her assistance. — Dash my paddles ! — Mrs. 
Chiffins, I'll marry you myself. 

Mrs. C. You, Captain 1 — you can't be serious ; you can 
never mean such a thing. 

Bu7i. What Jacob Bunker says, he means, ma'am; and 
what he means, ma'am, he does, ma'am ! so I say again, 
I'll marry you. 

Mrs. G. Don't Captain Bunker ! — pray don't. 
Bun. I will ma'am. — Gravesend expects every man 
will do his duty ! — whereby — you being a lonely widow, 
it's my duty to make you happy. 

Mrs. C. Ah! I shall never be happy again — never! 
— at least for some time. — Oh, my — excuse me — Bunker ! 
Bun. [aside.] — She calls me her Bunker! 
Mrs. C. You can't know my feelings — you never lost a 
husband. 

Bun. No, ma'am ; I can't say as I ever did. 
Mrs. C. Poor Chiffins ! I never knew his value until 
now, that I have lost him. — [iceeps.] 

Bun. Keep up the steam — ma'am — keep up the steam 
— I've got a little cordial here that will do you good — 
\fetclies hrandy hottlc from hut, and pours out brandy into 
a tin cup,] Now, ma'am — try the least drop of this re- 
y'wev. 

Mrs. G. — [taJces cup, and drinks.] — Oh ! Captain — this 
is indeed — consoling ! 

Btm. Try another drain, ma' an. 
Mrs. G. Not for the world, Captain ! 

[She holds the cup ; Gaptain pours more in. 
Bun. \drinlis from the Lottie.] — Ah, that is the real ren- 
ovator ! — splendid brandy, but I've chalked " Pis'n" on the 



14 COCKNEVS IN CALirORNIA. 

bottle, to keep the pirates that cruize about these parts 
from tapping it — [replaces bottle in hut.] 

Mrs. C. Captain Bunker, you must feel that situated as 
we ai'e, it would not be proper for me to remain here. 

Bun. Why, ma'am, that's a delicate point I've been 
turning in my mind ; and I've just i-ecollected there's a 
village four or five miles from here, where you may re- 
main for a few days, till we get some account ot the boy, 
who, I daresey, has fallen in with some of the digging 
parties. — I'll convoy you there myself, ma'am ; and as I've 
got confouudly tired of the place, I'll bid farewell to my 
trim built cottage for ever. 

J\T7S. C. Oh, Captain ! you're our only protector now ; 
so I throw myself and innocent babe altogether on your 
hands. 

Bun. Thank you, ma'am. — I feel the weight of the 
cpmpliment; whereby, I think we'd better start directly, 

Mrs. C. Whenever you please. Captain. 

Bun. Avast though ! — I must first write a note to all in- 
quiring friends. — [/le takes a hoard near the door of hut, and 
writes with chalk u J) on it ; reads while he ivritcs. "Sailed 
from these diggins — Captain Bunker, and Mrs. Chiffins — 
D. I. O." — There's my ticket. \Mrs. Chiffins has taken 
the child out of the hammoch ; Bunker hangs the board 
against the hut.] — Now then, Mrs. Chiffins, turn ahead ! 
and away we goes, ma'am ! 

[Exeunt, Bunker and Mrs. Chiffins, l. u. f,. 
The momkcy appears carrying the black child, lohich he 
•places in the hammock, and escapes. Chiffins is 
heard outside, calling — " Where's the gallant Bun- 
ker?" He then enters, without a hat, torn coat, his 
clothes and hair wet. 

Chif. Where — where's the gallant Bunker ? Where's 
my Maria Jane Matilda] What an aquatic spectacle I've 
made of myself ! Hey ! Where's Mrs. Chiffins? why is 
she not here to receive her dripping husband to her arms % 
Sees the writing on the board — takes it'.\ — What's this? — 
reads.] — " Sailed from these diggings : Captain Bunker 
and Mrs. Chiffins." Oh, yes ! 'tis as plain as chalk can 
be ! — [reads.] — " Captain Bunker and Mrs. Chiffins — 
D. I. O." — [Drops the bonrd.]~Oh ! oh ! it's all over! I'm 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA, J5 

a deserted mary, aa the Fiencli say. The only friend I 
had in this quarter, has carried off my better half ; the 
Gravesend Sea Serpent has absconded with my Maria 
Jane Matilda, and confesses his crime upon this board, in 
chalk. They've taken the children, too. — [sees child in 
hammock.] — Hey! no — they've left little Cicero; he's 
here.- — [s?iatches up child, and starts back horrified, when 
he sees its blackface.] — The blessed image of its pa it is ! 
Ha ! oh ! Day and Martin ! what's this 'I Cicero turned 
as black as a beetle ! Hah ! some dark business has been 
going on here ! this isn't my child — on the face of it. I 
disown it! I disclaim the young imposter ! its not mine ! 
there — there ! — \thrustsit under the clothes in the ham7nock.\ 
Oh, dear ! what is to become of me % I'm sorry, now, 1 
didn't let myself be drowned ! I oughtn't to have shouted 
for help when I was in the water — nor I wouldn't, if I had 
known what was before me. However, its not too late to 
put a full stop to my melancholy existence. I'll commit 
suicide ! nothing shall prevent it. I'll blot myself out of 
Nature's copy-book, and rub the name of Anthony Chif- 
fins from the slate of life. But how 1 Suppose I throw 
myself over the Falls again. No ! I tried that once, and 
I didn't like it. If I knew the private residence of some 
hungry bear, I'd call on him about supper time. — [seaixh- 
ing about.] — or, if I could only find a piece of rope, I 
might end my woes in a noose. — [goes to hut, and finds 
the brandy-bottle.] — What's this — hey 1 — [reads.] — P-i-z-n, 
" Pis'n !" Ha ! poison ! Kind fortune, my fate is in my 
hand ! Think of your wrongs, Chiffins ! think of your 
wife bolted ! your clothes lost, and your warming-pan 
gone ! Hah I I'm wound up to desperation ! I wonder 
how much of the mixtux'e makes a dose. Never mind — 
\takesa mouthful out of the bottle.] — 'Pon my life ! I rather 
like the flavor of the deadly potion. I'll make all sure by 
another pull. — [drinks.] — There 1 I'm done for now ! I've 
swallowed enough to poison a buffalo ! Oh, Maria Jane 
Matilda, you've done a pretty job of work! — [sings, half 
crying 

SONG. 

Air — " Jeannetfe and Jeannot." 
My wife has run away, and has left me hei-e alone, 
In the wilds of California, to make my grievous moan ; 



16 COCKNEXS IN CALIFORNIA. 

The salt tears from my eyes — trickle down in streams of woe. 
Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so — 
Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so ! 

[Spoken.] I don't think the deadly potion has begun to 
take effect yet. No — no ! I must have another drain of 
the baneful beverage. — [takes a long draught.] — There ! 
I think that's a settler! — [sings, as lie gets drunk.] 

Oh ! womankind is false — as it always used to be ; 
And friendship's oidy gammon — for so it proved to me ; 
So I've drunk a pint of piz'u — but I fear 'tis rather slow. 
Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so — 
Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so ! 

Well, its really very extraordinary — I don't feel a bit the 
worse for what I've taken. The only sensation I'm con- 
scious of, is a sort of merry-go-round in my head — and — 
a — remarkable inclination in my feet to start off in a 
polka. Ha ! ha ! ha ! — [dances a few steps.] — No, no — it 
won't do ! This levity at such an awful moment is really 
disgraceful. Hie ! I'm not gone yet — though I ought to 
be. What, if I can't go — what, if I won't go? Oh, dear! 
perhaps I'm poison proof! — No — I feel I'm going now — 
yes, yes — oh, dear — my head — my legs! — ha! ha! ha! 
ha ! Oh ! Maria Jane Matilda, how could you — how 
could you desert your own Chiffins, and forsake the buz- 
zum that beat for only you ? Hie I There ! — I'm going 
— going — gone ! — [slips down.] — Hooray ! — I wish I was 
back in Hoxton, thrashing the boys. Order ! — silence !— 
First class come up for punishment ! 

Enter Bunker, l. u. e. 

Bun. Dash my paddles ! I forgot my brandy -bottle, and 
I can't leave without it. 

Chif. [Perceiving him.] Hah ! — the villain Bunker ! — 
the sea-serpent of the Thames ! — [gets up.] — Hah ! — assas- 
sin ! — fresh-water pirate ! — you are come to dare the ven- 
geance of your injured friend ! 

Bun. Hollo ! — hollo ! Chiffins ! Dash my precious 
paddles ! here's a go ! 

Chif. Aye ! Chiffins stands before you in the agonies 
of death, sir, with vengeance in his heart and a bottle in 
bis hand. The same fatal weapon shall destroy us both 
There ! — [throws the bottle at Bunker, who avoids it.^ 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 17 

Bun. Avast there ! — what does it all mean ? 

Chif. Revenge! — [he collars Bunker, and they Strug- 
gle.j — I'll have it — your life, base Bunker — your life! 

[Mrs. Chiffins runs in l. u. e. — she screams when she 
sees Chiffins.] 

Mrs. C. Heavens ! it is — it is my Chiffins ! 

Btm. [ Flinging him off.] Don't go near him, ma'am ! 
he's mad — stark mad ! 

CJiif. No — don't come near me. 

Mrs. C. Oh, goodness ! "We thought you were drown- 
ed, Anthony. 

C/iiJ". Well, ma'am, so I was ; but not finally drowned. 

Mrs. C. Oh, never mind, so as you are safe, dear! — 
[goes to embrace him — he pushes Jier bach.] — Oh, Anthony ! 

Chif. No — no — never ! The heart that once truly 
loved never forgets — that you bolted with the base Bun- 
ker 1 

Bun. The base Bunker ! 

Mrs. C. Did you say bolted, Chiffins 1 

Chrf. Yes, ma'am; " bolted" was the woi'd. Havn't I 
the confession of the destroyer of my happiness engi'ossed 
there in chalk ? — [points to the hoard.] 

Mrs. C. Why, I heard you were drowned, and as I 
couldn't stay in this horrid place. Captain Bunker kindly 
offered to protect me to the nearest village. 

Bun. Yes, Mrs. Chiffins sailed under my convoy. Ja- 
cob Bunker only did his duty by lovely woman in distress. 

Chif. [To Bunker.] My dear friend! allow me to call 
you once more the gallant Bunker ! — [shakes Ms hand 
warmly.] — Only you die, and leave a widow, and see if I 
won't do as much for her. 

Mrs. C. Now, Anthony dear, are you satisfied ? 

Chif. Perfectly : that is, no — no — no ! There's a little 
ebony angel yonder in the hammock. — [Bunker takes the 
Mack child out of hammock, as Peter and Julina enter.] 
— That's not our little Cicero 1 

Jul. No, sar, dat lilly Peta ! — [takes child from Bunker.] 
— Dis nigga lady tank you berry much, sar. 

[Mrs. Chiffins runs to meet Walker, who is entering 
with the child, l. u. e. 

Chif. But where's our precious babe ? 

Mrs. C. Here he comes, with Walker; the good-for- 



> Poisoned ! 



18 COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 

nothing little scamp strayed away, and where do you 
think we found him 1 but in the river, washing for gold 
dust in his new boots. 

C/iif. Then all my troubles are over ! — hold, no ! — I 
forgot, in the excitement of the moment, the horrible fact 
that I'm poisoned. 

Eiin. 

Mrs. C. 

C/iif. Yes ; when I thought you had betrayed me, I 
swallowed a deadly potion — enough to kill a dozen buffa- 
loes. I'm in my last agonies this moment, though I don't 
feel them. Oh, Maria Jane Matilda, receive your doting 
husband's jjarting breath ! — [he embracer }icr\ 

Mis. C. Why, Chiffins, your parting breath has a 
strong smell of brandy. 

Ck'J". Yes, my angel, the fatal draught was very nice. 

Biin. Where did you get it, my boy ? 

Chif. Oh, there — in that bottle — I found it yonder — and 

oh! 

Bun. [Pic^s up bottle.] Why, dash ray paddles, this is 
my brandy-bottle ! I chalked " I'izn" upon it, to keep the 
fellows who cruise about here from meddling with it. 
Cheer up, my boy, there was nothing worse in it than 
brandy. 

Ckif. Brandy ! — oh ! — my real Cogniac life-protector ! 
What a relief your words are to me ! Embrace the gal- 
lant Bunker, my dear ! Walker, you ungrateful vaga- 
bond, why are you not on your knees, sir, thanking the 
preserver of your pa's precious life 1 

Mrs. C. Oh, dear ! Anthony, I've got so many frights 
and turns since I came into this horrid country, that I 
know I shall never survive another day in it, 

Chif. Well, my dear, I'm disgusted with the place my- 
self, and I say, let us return to Hoxton directly. 

Bun. And I'll go with you, my boy. 

Chif. Come along, then! — "there's a good time com- 
ing," Captain ; and the weather is favorable for going 
with half a coat. Have you got our little relative pro- 
nouns all right, Mrs. Chiffins? 

Mrs. C. Quite right, Anthony. 

Chif And thfr Californian turkey ? Don't forget the 
turkey ! 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 



19 



Mrs. C. [ Uncovering the kettle.] Oh, gracious ! the tur- 
key's gone ! 

All. Gone ! 

Mrs. C. Yes ; and whosoever has taken it, has left this 
stone in the kettle. — [takes the stone out of kettle ?[ 

Chif. Inhuman monster ! 

Bun. [Taking the stone.] Why, dash my paddles, this 
iis a lump of gold ! 

All. Gold ! 

yirs. C. Who ever could have put it there 1 

Chif. That's no business of ours. I always told you 
that luck would come to us in a lump at last, and here it 
is. 

Bun. Now, then, ring the bell, and away we goes 
again ! 

Chif. Stop ! I must make a slight alteration in your 
card — [takes the hoard.] — Where's your steel-pen, Cap- 
tain ? — [Bunker^zYt* hi7n a piece of chalk.] — " Sailed from 
these diggins : Captain Bunker — [writes.] — Mr. and Mrs. 
ChifKns, family, and suite. — P. S. — And don't mean to 
come back ever again." Now move on, Captain ! 

The Diggers, male and female, enter at every side. 

Bun. Hold on, Chiffey, my boy ! here come our friends 
from the diggins. Good-bye — good-bye, lads and lasses ! 
I'm going to seize the golden opportunity of bidding fare- 
well to Californy ; but, before we start, let us finish ofl 
with Everybody's Independent and Grand National Cal- 
ifornian Fandango. 

Dance of Characters and Gold Diggers, 



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